i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
