Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
