I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Say something about gay babies.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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