I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
