Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
