she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
