I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
