I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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