pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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