he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
