His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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