no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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