Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
