drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
zippers are such a cool invention
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
