This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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