my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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