i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm gonna fight the coyote
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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