i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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