I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you had me at cake vodka
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
