Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
