hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
