I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Randomize
