Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
