Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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