I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize