I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
