Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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