I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Randomize
