Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
