Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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