he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
