Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
