At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
