Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
