You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
