So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
