I have demons in me.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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