You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize