I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
