Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
