yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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