No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
