I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
