everyone is single if you try hard enough
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
