Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
worst night to have a conscience
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
