yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize