Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
