True but thats because hes a fetus.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so let's talk penis.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
