Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All the doctor said was why
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
