I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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