Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
