Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
