Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
