I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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