it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
