Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
