Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
