There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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