Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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