I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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