Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
