True but thats because hes a fetus.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize