Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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