i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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