You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
