Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
