dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
