Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
